A confession: My hidden vice is reading alumni notes. My voyeuristic pleasure derives from the fact that I don’t even know the people whose lives are being described in snippets of joy, tragedy, hope, and prestige. Though I’ve never been asked to be a class correspondent, here are 5 alums I would seek out in my effort to deliver a column worth reading:
(1) The professional kvetch. This alum is usually home recovering from a back injury sustained while lifting a new grandchild, slipping outside the family’s primary residence, a Park Avenue co-op apartment, or eco-traveling in the third world. With the exception of writing a whiny note, this classmate reports being in too much pain to sit at a computer.
(2) The bearer of sad tidings. This is the alum asking everybody to pray for classmates in the last throws of death, not grasping the fact that if the alumni notes are part of a print publication, those classmates' tombstones will have been unveiled by the time anybody gets a chance to pray. The more religious of these alums will follow up with a request that we pray for the repose of the souls of various other alums.
(3) The serial traveler. Having just celebrated his wedding anniversary on an 8-person barge on the canals of Champagne, France, this alum previously described biking through Namibia or exploring the Galápagos with his grandchildren. He plans to return to Bhutan for the month of October, after which he will be hosting a pre-reunion cocktail reception at his townhouse on Fifth Avenue.
(4) The martyr. If she’s reporting on the aches and pains of running the Boston Marathon, she notes that she’s delighted to spend the next two months in physical therapy because she raised $8,000 for Combined Jewish Philanthropies. Or else she’s sacrificed a week at her vacation home in Vieques, Puerto Rico for the benefit of her kids’ private school.
(5) The Over-Achiever. You may or may not remember this classmate who rarely left her library carrel or the computer lab, but she recently won an award for solving world hunger or achieving peace on earth. Don’t be fooled by the wannabe over-achiever who expects recognition for opening an outpost of her law firm in the Republic of Georgia, starting the first on-line newsletter at some obscure professional association, or consulting on “platform agnostic services.”
Author’s Note: This template need not be limited to 5 Steps. Please use the comments section of this blog to add your own suggestions.
No comments:
Post a Comment