No Thank You, OMNI-Carb

This is the second time I’ve received the OMNI-Carb brochure from Brigham & Women’s Hospital that says “Come Dine With Us. . .” I have some reservations about agreeing to eat one meal at BWH five days a week while participating in a 21 week research project – even if helps wipe out killer diseases.

Still, intrigued by the opportunity to receive “up to $1500 for completing the study,” and “meals and snacks for 21 weeks at no cost,” I went online to get more information. Apparently OMNI-Carb stands for Optimal Macronutrient Intake for

Carbohydrate. The point of the study is not to help participants to lose weight, but to determine which of four different diets is most likely to reduce the risk factors leading to diabetes and heart disease.

At first I thought I could meet the eligibility requirements. I’m not taking medication for blood pressure, cholesterol or diabetes. I’m over 30 and have normal blood pressure. I suppose if there were enough of an incentive, I could change my eating habits for 21 weeks.  But here’s the catch. . . Participants need to have a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 25 or more, which I think means overweight.

Every time I’ve inquired about the weight loss programs advertised on posters outside the office of my primary care physician in a BWH practice, my doctor, Suzy, always laughs. She’s often expressed concern not about my overindulging in food, but about my overdoing the exercise.

The only time I’ve come close to “dining” with the good folks at BWH is going into the Au Bon Pain there in search of coffee before my appointments with the orthopedist who’s treating me for wrist tendonitis, most likely the consequence of poor form during my spinning classes at the gym. Though the most recent cortisone shot coupled with a really uncomfortable wrist splint seems not to have made any difference in the pain, I want to believe the wrist will be healed in time for the rowing season, which could come as early as March.

But let’s pretend. Imagine I did have that BMI of 25 or more, how would I fare in the study? With an early a.m. exercise schedule followed by a full day at work, I’d most likely need to eat dinners at BWH five days a week.

Start with the desserts, because that’s where I like to start. I’m not sure if one gets a choice, but these are the “desserts/snacks” offered in the OMNI-Carb study: Water Crackers, Peppermint Patty,Twix Candy,Unsalted Pretzels,Dove Chocolate Minis, Jelly Beans, Peppermints, Vanilla Wafers, Angel Food Cake, and Caramel Rice Cake.

The jelly beans sound o.k. but I suspect portion control would rule the day, with perhaps a cherry, licorice, pineapple, orange, and lime but nothing more. The study hasn’t even begun and I’m thinking about going to bed feeling hungry and deprived.

Not on the list are those little packets of whole wheat fruit Newtons at a mere 130 calories or the Dulce de Leche Luna energy bars at 180. Nor do I even see sorbet, my dessert of choice when I’m dieting. Of course when I’m not dieting, my weekend treat is some sort of warm fruit in puff pastry concoction with a small scoop of ice cream.

As for sources of nutrition, the study seems to require the consumption of foods I consider less than mouth-watering. Granted I’m not fussy enough to cause me to be a “problem guest,” but I don’t eat eggs, egg beaters or cod. Ham turkey sounds unappetizing enough to make me feel that I was working really hard for the “up to $1500.”

Unlike Patti Blagojevich, who reportedly ate a spider just for the money, I guess I’d be a lousy reality show contestant. OMNI-Carb, please remove me from your mailing list!